Butterflies

In less than 24 hours I fly out of Pisa, Italy and ultimately land in Bangkok, Thailand.  I’ve been talking about going to Thailand for over 2 years and it’s finally coming true.  I’m reaching another goal that I’ve set and saved for.  Yet, I can’t help but wonder…

Before I get anywhere with what I wonder, I first feel the urge to simply say I’ve so much to be thankful for: a family who loves me and who I love in return, unbeatable friends who’ve come through for me all over the world (way above and beyond my expectations) and good health.  For those things that are truly important in this life, (family, friends and health) I’ve been blessed and fortunate.  I can’t be thankful enough and give thanks everyday for them, as I believe it very important to be thankful daily in any way possible.

As I get set to take off again for who knows how long and ultimately where, I can’t help but wonder and hope whether this trip, whether this place will be THE trip, THE place where I’m finally able to be of real use in this world in a way that really matters.  Metaphysics says that simply ‘being’ is enough.  But there is so much I hope for.  So much that I hope to be able to actually contribute in this life and for this world.  Am I doing “enough”?… Will I have the courage to do something truly worth while?…  Could this trip be it?

I also can’t help but wonder whether this trip and place will be THE trip and THE place where I will finally find my best friend/husband/partner/lover or whatever you want to call him.  I’m done trying to fix those who can’t be fixed, done being the convenient one, and done being the one who isn’t really loved in return.  Yet I still hope.  I still wonder… Could this trip be it?

I know I sound completely spoiled: traveling the world and yet complaining about not having a man in my life or complaining about my insecurities about not REALLY doing enough in/for this life…  Maybe it’s too much to ask for- having a loving family and friends, great health, making a difference in the world AND having someone beside me supporting along the way… I just don’t know.

Yet these are my thoughts…  These are my butterflies…

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